The “Real” Story Of Chanukah

Just over a month ago was the holiday of Chanukah and my good friend, Matt had a thing or two to “teach” me about this holiday’s beginnings. The following is the story of Chanukah according to a friend of mine who was so extremely tired that he didn’t know what the words coming out of his mouth were (And to note, he is not Jewish.)…

“2000 years ago when the earth was formed there was a man named Jeremy Chanukah who owned a caramel shop. (This is where Werther’s Originals got their start but they later changed their name to better suit “Middle America.”) He had a special where for eight days he had a different caramel special: sea salt, caramel apple, Kool Aide… On the eighth day he saw a shooting star that killed the dinosaurs. And the shooting star is why we have candles. And the Seder Plate has all the different types of caramels. “

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